tags: curse published on:
We want to render ourselves on the outside the way we are on the inside. Actually the outside and the inside demarcation is fictitious. It does not really exist. Because of factors like inhibition and interference, this false boundary wall gets constructed. The way to pierce this boundary is to express our selves in the most real way possible. But this is sometimes likely to be abrasive. Being abrasive might sometimes be contrary to our interests. But it is the only way to have a direct link to the world as it exists. Why do we want to link to the world the way it is?
If we link to the world the way it is, we have a chance to figure out who we are as well. When we act, we reveal our beliefs and also the biases that we have in the given situation. Acting is an episode of exposure. If we want our qualities to remain private and secret, we must not act at all. But not acting is an option. How do we not act, isn't everything an act?
The ability to reveal the most abrasive version of the message we want to convey prepares us to be as we are. To be as we are is not a simple expectation from ourselves because for this it is essential to know who we are in the first place. But we can never find out who we are. So we have to make peace with being partly deluded. We have to make peace with living with partial knowledge - with only faint ideas of who we might be but nothing more. Being this hazy version of ourselves angers us. We feel like we are not doing justice to ourselves and that is not an easy thought to hold in our minds. We avoid the thought. So while we think of our incapacity, we also think of other things. Like consumption - and how good we are at it.
Progress is made every time we allow ourselves to be abrasive. Every act of abrasion takes us one step closer to be as we are without knowing for ourselves who we are with any sense of clarity. This prioritisation of being over knowledge saves us else we would descend into the darkest of slumbers - depressed, deluded and wilted.
But how do we arrive at our most abrasive version of ourself? That is an experimental process which is similar to doing target practice on our own mirror reflection.